jarandhel

In my last post, I asked a question: "What is it that lets you know you are my friend, and I care about you?" So far, I've gotten 7 responses to that (6 public, one private), so if you haven't responded yet I would very much appreciate hearing from you.

But I'd like to also pose a follow-up question. What, if anything, do I do that makes you feel as if I don't consider you a close friend? What words of mine tell you that? What, if anything, gives me the appearance of not caring?

If these exercises have been somewhat confusing, I should probably explain. I am attempting to evaluate my communication, particularly in my relationships with the people I care about. The people I consider friends and (chosen) family. I want to make certain that I am consistently sending the message that I do love and care about each of my friends and family. And one of the lessons of NLP is that the meaning of a communication is how it is received. Some people may feel loved when I listen to them. Others, when I tell them jokes and try to cheer them up when they're down. Others when they're hugged or cuddled with. Still others when I give them the space they need to feel comfortable. Or when i feed them. Or when I let them buy me dinner and hang out with them. Or... well, you get the idea. Each of you are different. Each of you have different cues that tell you someone really loves you. You also have different cues that may make you feel unloved. I want to get to know how to properly send the message to each of the people I care about that you are my friends, my family even, and that you are loved.

For my part, I'm highly kinesthetic so it's mainly tangible things that make me feel loved. Hugs and cuddling are really good, even hugs from relative strangers can make me feel rather good. (Complete strangers would creep me out, but I will happily hug someone on a first meeting if a friend is introducing us and the person being introduced strikes me as cool.) But I also have a number of friends who are not that tactile, and they do things that make me feel just as loved. Getting deep into a discussion on esoteric (not just metaphysical, but exotic subjects like NLP or martial arts too) subjects is one thing that really works for me... not just superficial stuff but real meat and new ideas. I know this seems less tangible and more auditory, but it's not for me. The way I relate to studying is very visceral. Having someone to bounce my ideas off of, and to point me towards new ideas, is a very tactile experience for me. It's also, to me, a kind of energetic connection and exchange. (Which is another way to make me feel loved, so all you Reiki addicts who like feeding from me, yeah that makes me feel loved too. :)) Feeding me, or even better letting me cook for you and genuinely enjoying my cooking also make me feel loved. I think you get the idea. There are probably others, but I just made my first batch of instant coffee here at home and I may have made it a wee bit too strong, so I'm having just a tiny bit of trouble focusing at the moment. But yay chocolate creamer! Chocolate creamerized coffee makes me feel loved too. ;-)

You know, it's a good feeling when you look at a subject that used to give you trouble and start seeing connections that you never saw before. When you can look at a tutorial to do specific thing foo and realize that it also teaches you about general class bar.

Sometimes, coming back to old subjects feels like coming home.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." -Marcel Proust, French novelist (1871 - 1922)