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I remember...
I remember the Beginning. The primal Chaos. The Void which was not empty. A time before there was growth in the Multiverse, before there was change. A time when Existence itself slept, and did not Dream.
I remember others, like myself in nature, being born from the Void... like crystals forming in a solution, in a way... their substance refined from that which gave them birth. At the same time, it was almost as if they brought themselves into being, by becoming aware of themselves... their awareness of their individual identity somehow giving them substance and form.
I remember, perhaps strangest, watching my own birth. Sometimes I wonder if my presence there, at the beginning, might not have stirred the awareness of the waiting Void and caused our birth to happen when it did. I wonder if it would have happened when it did if I had not chosen to go back... to try to correct past mistakes, by taking up a second role in the Song... the Dance... the Drama that would unfold. But perhaps I get ahead of myself... it is hard to know where to begin when dealing with events which did not occur in a strictly linear frame of reference.
I remember that we slowly met together in the void... interacted and got used to each other. We were children, then... perhaps still, in truth, despite the time which has passed since then. And as children will, we soon got bored, for though the void was infinite and beautiful, there was little enough to do within it. I believe that is when my elder half first suggested a game that we could play.
I remember the “game” most of all. I think we all do, for it has become so much a part of us and how we view ourselves since then. Our perceptions of it differ somewhat... Feral recalls it as a Dance. I recall it as a Song. I would not be surprised to learn that other interpretations exist. In truth, these are all likely interpretations of something that we can no longer comprehend entirely, which we no longer have a sufficient frame of reference to describe.
I remember the Song that we sang together... are singing still, to be precise. I remember it as a melody beyond mere tonality, beyond octave or notation. Not sung with voices, or at least not alone, but with our Souls... our very Essences, resonating with the Flows we were weaving together. I remember the multiverse itself come into being though our Song. I remember how it felt to fall in love with it for the first time, as it became aware and joined with us in the Song of its own creation.
I remember each of us giving of ourselves to bring this multiverse into being. I'm no longer clear on what all of the gifts were, though I know some still. Life was given... indeed all of Wild Nature, truly. Music and the Bardic Gifts were given... or perhaps more simply the ability to communicate and all that would entail. Death, as well, was given... or as we saw it then, and some see still: surcease of sorrow, and rest.
I remember my own turn... the first time... I remember the love I felt for this new multiverse. I remember wanting to give it the best gift... something it could cherish above all others, something that would make it love me in return. A childish wish, perhaps, but we were children then, truly. I remember not being able to think of anything... not knowing a gift that I could give which was worthy of this beautiful living thing we had made. And I grew sad, and withdrawn, and angry... and I let my heart become filled with despair. I wished that I no longer existed, but despite not having given a gift enough of my being was already a part of Creation that I could not cease to exist as long as it did. So I attacked the multiverse... brought discord to the song. The only gift I gave existence then was the same despair and pain which I felt, and the song I sang was a song of Unmaking, though I only truly wished to Unmake myself.
I remember, the consequences of that Song... the worlds lost to Unmaking. The Elenari among the otherkin have the most tales of it, I think , but more worlds than theirs fell. I remember it going on for a very long time. I remember, at some point, something changed... I was redeemed. I thought at one point in this life that it had been love which was the key to that. I think, though, that the real key was that something gave me hope again. What it was, I'm not entirely sure of. And, because of the nonlinear nature of time, the exact event which causes it may not strictly be set in stone yet, even if it is really one single event which does it.
I remember going back, though... back to the beginning. I knew I couldn't stop what was going to happen, but I could at least help contain the damage somewhat. I went back to a few moments before we were born from the Chaos. Like I said before, I wonder if my presence just then might not have been what triggered us to Awaken from our slumber within the Void at that moment.
I remember watching my younger self most of all, as he was born. I called him my twin, back then... it made things easier for a time, if he thought of me as his brother. He wouldn't have let me get close to his heart if he knew my only purpose for being there was to stop him from making a mistake. I was always proud that way.
I remember suggesting the “game”, since I knew already what our path was to be. I remember watching my younger self, watching the multiverse come into existence. I remember the look on his face when he couldn't think of a gift to give it, and gave into despair. I remember wanting to comfort him, as well as the multiverse which was wounded by his song. I remember what I started to Sing.
I remember Singing then... to my younger “twin”, or to the multiverse, or even to the part of my own heart which still felt the pain, I didn't truly know and don't know now. Perhaps all of those. I sang of Dreams though... stories and mysteries, fantasies and legends, all the hidden wonders and magic and secrets of the worlds that were and would be. I sang the Dreaming itself into existence, bound it to the lives and hearts of every aspect of the multiverse, and bound myself to it as well. I sang my Office into being, started the Flow which I would be both source of and a manifestation of. And, most of all, I sang of hope, to stand against the despair and pain.
That was the last gift given by us, in the dawning time. But it was really only the start of things. A lot more would come after that, as we interacted with one another and the new inhabitants of the universes which we had made. And, while this post tells what I strictly remember of the beginning, I also haven't gone very far into how I interpret that. Or other related matters like Fer mentioned, such as locating other Endless and such. I'll get to those in future posts, as I work out the best way to explain my opinions on them. For now, though, this is it. And if anyone wants off of the filter which talks about these particular beliefs of mine, best speak up before I start rambling on again. I think most of the people I added will want to be here, but there are one or two who I wasn't sure of but decided to give the benefit of the doubt and see what they thought of this post.
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"I remember the Song that we sang together... are singing still, to be precise. I remember it as a melody beyond mere tonality, beyond octave or notation. Not sung with voices, or at least not alone, but with our Souls... our very Essences, resonating with the Flows we were weaving together. I remember the multiverse itself come into being though our Song. I remember how it felt to fall in love with it for the first time, as it became aware and joined with us in the Song of its own creation."
Re:
Wow....
*HUGS* Love ya bro'.
Re: Wow....
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Yes, you learned to hope, to care again. As to the triggering event...well, that depends in which timestream or timeweb you look at. Different ones at different times. In one, it was love. In another, something else. Maybe inspiration. *shrugs* The important thing is that it happened. Things get wobbly like that across the timestreams.
Re the world dragon:
One body, many heads. That is all I will say on that. (I'm sorry it doesn't English better than that, and I don't mean in an exactly literal sense)
Duo, I'll be eagerly awaiting yer essay.
Nightstorm, if you don't write at least a LITTLE something over the weekend I *will* bite you. :)
Song Of The Early Heaven.
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I jive with some of this. I like your description of the void and your take on beings forming there growing like crystals. I think we have some commonalities as well as some differences.
There is a lot about songs and creation and whatnot I don't remember. In fact, I don't really remember the Corruption per se so much as I got wrapped up in the idea when I got wrapped up in the veil and returning to our true forms and all. I don't think it was ever part of my UPG. I do understand that the Corruption seems to corrode existence itself and generally be a nasty thing that many otherkin were afraid of. I've even seen one post in a forum (a black w/ black background, green headers and white text) about how the veil must stay up because, if it falls, hordes of Vor' Jen will spill into this reality and destroy us all! This person's icon was the picture on otherkin.net. This was years ago, otherwise I'd find it and show you.
Having said that, I appreciate that you shared this with me. I now understand your story and personal outlook a little better. I can se how a person wanting to undo one's own existence would create the Corruption. Often people who hate themselves inflict that hate on others. But the story did have a positive end. You sang a better song when you got a second chance.
We are similar in that I caused a lot of pain, as I understand it. I have "memories" of having hurt myself and others in this void, even before I was done forming. How derp is that? I also had an inclination that my first schism between myself and what might be called the divine was in the void when I was doing all this damage. I do not know of my own motivations accept for one time when I was trying to augment myself somehow during my own formation. After I existed in the sense we normally think of as existence, I know I hurt a lot of people, caused a lot of suffering. During a reiki session, someone regressed me, and I had this vague memory of having been a murderer, of having been given every opportunity to do good for people but abusing it in order to make them suffer. I was extremely self important. How I identified wasn't the point, so I have no idea if it was otherkin or what. I also have an inkling (read my latest entry) that even as a nonphysical entity, I was somehow abusive to entities I considered smaller than myself.
So you and I could earn merit badges for being jerks. lol