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I had an interesting conversation with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zaecus today. He made an observation about my situation with my parents that has really opened my eyes about a few things.
My relationship with my parents is backwards. They are dependent on me, and as a result I (the child) am in a position to push them (the parents) towards independence. Weird, yet true. And also rather obvious when you think about it, though I hadn't seen it untilzaecus pointed it out.
My father grew up very dependent on his parents. That's the reason why he and my mother moved back in with my father's parents not long before I was born, I feel. My mother, in turn, was very dependent on my father. As the years have passed and my grandfather passed away, my grandmother went senile, and my father developed diabetes, had a heart failure, and has experienced a loss of vision, a power vacuum developed. One which I seem to have stepped into without realizing it until now.
Oddly, this puts me in a very similar situation with my parents to the one I was in living with Adara. The parallels, and there are many, are becoming more and more obvious to me.
So, knowing this, I can see more plainly that I need to continue along a path that I have already started... withdrawing myself as an option that my parents may use to solve their problems. But I need to couple that with teaching them that there are other options, essentially showing my parents how to be independent again. I find that odd, since technically I have never been entirely independent myself, but it is the circumstance that I find myself in and there is really no other choice. Already I have had to put my foot down against some of my parents more recent displays of dependency, ranging from them considering using me to drive my mother's computer and some of her other belongings to Minnesota rather than shipping them or using a moving company all the way to my mother thinking that if she takes another job that might be opening up in Ohio rather than staying at the one in Minnesota that there would then be a chance that I would move with them and continue in the capacity that I have been. I believe I have now managed to dispel all their illusions on those points, but time will tell.
zaecus today. He made an observation about my situation with my parents that has really opened my eyes about a few things.My relationship with my parents is backwards. They are dependent on me, and as a result I (the child) am in a position to push them (the parents) towards independence. Weird, yet true. And also rather obvious when you think about it, though I hadn't seen it until
zaecus pointed it out.My father grew up very dependent on his parents. That's the reason why he and my mother moved back in with my father's parents not long before I was born, I feel. My mother, in turn, was very dependent on my father. As the years have passed and my grandfather passed away, my grandmother went senile, and my father developed diabetes, had a heart failure, and has experienced a loss of vision, a power vacuum developed. One which I seem to have stepped into without realizing it until now.
Oddly, this puts me in a very similar situation with my parents to the one I was in living with Adara. The parallels, and there are many, are becoming more and more obvious to me.
So, knowing this, I can see more plainly that I need to continue along a path that I have already started... withdrawing myself as an option that my parents may use to solve their problems. But I need to couple that with teaching them that there are other options, essentially showing my parents how to be independent again. I find that odd, since technically I have never been entirely independent myself, but it is the circumstance that I find myself in and there is really no other choice. Already I have had to put my foot down against some of my parents more recent displays of dependency, ranging from them considering using me to drive my mother's computer and some of her other belongings to Minnesota rather than shipping them or using a moving company all the way to my mother thinking that if she takes another job that might be opening up in Ohio rather than staying at the one in Minnesota that there would then be a chance that I would move with them and continue in the capacity that I have been. I believe I have now managed to dispel all their illusions on those points, but time will tell.
