A peek inside my brain

[jarandhel]

Jobhunting sucks. It's not the filling out applications that gets to me, so much as the information asked. Or maybe the answers that I have to give. I look at the data, see it written out in black and white, and I'm forced to ask myself if part of the reason that I haven't had more success with jobhunting in the past is that I don't see myself as worthy of being hired, and that uncertainty about myself is somehow transmitted to those who might otherwise hire me.

Let me elaborate, with a small sampling of data that I'm filling out on applications:

1. Education: High school graduate. Not attending college at this time.

2. Job history from 1998 to present:

a) Assistant Webmaster, my High school, starting the summer before my senior year and ending upon graduation... worked for one year, was paid $400 total due to being strung along with hinted-at bonuses for continued work during the school year. (Originally was supposed to be one-time lump fee for making a website quickly over the summer after previous webmaster left.)

un1) Several months of unemployment, just due to not being able to find a job.

b) US Army... worked for one month, then got an entry level discharge due to admitting I like boys.

un2) Several months of unemployment, mostly due to not being able to find a job and partly due to idiocy of significant other for the first two months.

c) RGIS... also briefly worked there, no longer have contact info for them, left due to a combination of transportation issues and unrealistic scheduling (got more sleep in the army on nights when taking 2 firewatches.)

un3) Several months of unemployment, just due to not being able to find a job.

d) Current "Job", Primary Caregiver for my grandmother and main means of transportation for her and my father. $35 a week plus food, lodging, and job-related expenses. Leaving due to needing to get a life of my own.

3.References (not relatives, business references preferred, otherwise should have known you five years or longer):

a) Supervisor from first job... no contact info known, other than his name and the contact info for the school itself.
b) No other business references, and I can't think of anyone who has known me five years or longer who isn't a relative that I have any means of contacting presently.


See what I mean? It kind of lends itself to being used by me to demoralize myself and get discouraged before I've even submitted the applications. That being said, I'm determined not to give into that this time... sure, I got taken for a fool by my first job but that shouldn't reflect negatively on me. Sure, I made a boneheaded decision to enter the army knowing its position on homosexuals, but I honestly believed that don't ask don't tell means just that, a belief which was shattered by the presentation on the UCMJ shown after my arrival at the reception batallion. All of the things that sound bad have reasonable explainations for, and in focusing on them I'm completely ignoring the other sides of the application which make me look good: I touch-type, I have quite a few computer-related skills, I speak a decent amount of conversational german and I could easily brush up to true fluency again, I have a demonstrated ability to take a signicant amount of responsibility upon myself and fulfill those responsibilities efficiently, I'm good at making things more efficient, I'm constantly trying to learn new things and challenge myself, I'm building my skillbase on a regular basis, I have experience working (on a volunteer basis) with injured animals, I have experience successfully running both a monthly newsletter and a website for a nonprofit organization for rock and mineral enthusiasts, and I even took two college level courses over the summer between 7th and 8th grade as part of a special program, one in Geology and one in Writing.

When you get right down to it, I have skills and qualities which make me a damned good job candidate compared to a lot of the others which might be applying for these positions. It's believing that myself and making them see it too that's the trick, and that's what I intend to learn how to do now.

Wish me luck. :)

Comments

[ebonhost.livejournal.com]

I know how it can be to focus on the negative spots on your resume. The thing to remember is that there's no reason you -shouldn't- have the job. Also, if you're going to an interview, obviously the employer feels the same- so if you remember that your confidence will come across. I'm pretty sure my negativeness about Clarica by the time I'd been there a year and got screwed for that one promotion was what kept me from getting ahead.

Good luck, of course. Not that I think you need it- you can do it. :) *hugs*

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

*grins and hugs back tight* Yeah, I do have to keep that in mind... trying to make it part of my elven professional mask. :) I've also been finding that the advice that Dusk has given me about fashion and some beauty care products that I hadn't previously been exposed to by effectively being raised as a straight male (ie: White tea and ginger body splash from Bath and Body Works) have been making me feel more comfortable with my self-image and as a result more self-confident than I've been in a while.

[arhuaine.livejournal.com]

Take out these bits... "several months of unemployment, just due to not being able to find a job"... and replace them with ..."several months of unemployment due to domestic responsibilities". If anyone asks about that in interview, you can explain to them how idiotic your parents were about actually preventing you from jobhunting. I guess the only time you can;t use that excuse was when you were at Rivendell, but that cuts the number of months from lots down to about six?

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

Eh... only one of them can be explained that way, really. The first unemployment cycle, after my first job and before the army, was mostly due to not being able to find a job... admittedly at the time I didn't really have reliable transportation. (Jobhunting on a bike as an 18 or 19 year old is not very impressive to potential employers.) The second unemployment cycle, post the army and before RGIS, was for the same reason with the exception of the two months I was staying with Adara at Rivendell. I got my job at RGIS shortly after finally getting my drivers license and the use of my parent's car. (I hadn't gotten it earlier because of an apparent miscommunication between us... I thought they wouldn't pay the insurance which was necessary for me to get a license, since they had always said they couldn't really afford it, and they thought that I didn't want to get a license because I had said the thought of driving that much metal at those speeds was rather intimidating.) The final unemployment gap, after RGIS and before my grandmother was injured, could on the other hand be explained by domestic duties, since my father frequently needed me to drive him to doctors appointments and other things which interfered with my ability to seek a job. I'm a bit worried that the same thing might happen again, actually, since today I find myself stuck at home watching my grandmother while my mother takes my father to a doctor's appointment and then up to visit my grandfather. (My mother, admittedly, may be getting a job out of state and not be able to see him for a while so the visit is somewhat justified, but it still cuts into my ability to seek employment.)

*HUGS*

[yaoipornstar.livejournal.com]

Jarin you'll make it. I know its hard and a pain in the ass now, but I know you can do it. I mean, when I first started out, I got a job at a vet clinic with NO experience :P You just have to know where and how to look. And on those references-thing...lying alittle doesn't hurt. I know I sound like the devil's advocate here, but some of that stuff is, in my opinion ridiculous. You can add me as a non-work reference...hell it might as well be five years. And how about Dusk?

You'll do it ;)

Re: *HUGS*

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

*hugs back tight* Thanks, bro. :) I think I'll take you up on that offer. Dusk already volunteered as well. :) And you're right, we might as well have known each other for five years, even though it's only been about two in this life... (Geez, that's hard to believe... it feels like a LOT longer than that, doesn't it?)

[feonixrift.livejournal.com]

One trick I've found use for is to give "skills", "projects", and "volenteer" sections as high priority as the standard employment history section, and adding in whatever you're currently studying/working on or hoping to soon. That way, what you really do with your time shows through, as does where you want to be headed at this point in life. I've found it to does a good job of shifting the people reading the resume out of corporate names'n'dates mode and into seeing the person behind the paper.

Oh and, g'luck. =)

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

That definately works for resumes, but still leaves the problem of applications which ask for specific info and don't give you room to make yourself look better by stressing different points. I'll keep it in mind while working on my resume later today, though. :)

[dogemperor.livejournal.com]

FWIW:

That's one of the things I really hated about job hunting, myself--having to list negatives and such.

I've usually tried to put it down as "domestic responsibilities" or even "unable to find work in my profession at this time" (post-9/11, this actually has worked well).

IF someone asks (and generally, they don't), just note you had domestic responsibilities that precluded a job hunt and note how your parents were completely irresponsible in letting you work. That has actually worked well for me in my job-hunts on those few times I've been questioned.

It'll sort out. Yes, filling out resumes is depressing as hell, but it'll work out *hugs*

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

*nods and gently hugs you* I'm not really worried about having to explain it to an interviewer, so much as how to make it not look bad on the application so I'll get an interview in the first place. Even with resumes I can make myself look pretty good, but these damned form applications don't leave a lot of room for that sort of thing. And they do demand that you account for any gaps in your employment history, which is somewhat hard to do in just a sentence or two.

[dogemperor.livejournal.com]

"Domestic duties" and/or "problems finding job in relevant work field" tend to work for me.

Also, companies using forms only rarely ask about work lapses (IMHO)--if they DO want more explanation, you can bullshit a la resume. Their major concerns are if you've been convicted of a felony recently and if you'll be able to make it to work and if you have a pattern of having a shitload of jobs for very short periods of time (long patterns of unemployment can be explained by caring for family members).

You can also theoretically note that you had problems in transportation with a note it's been solved, for example, "transportation issues (resolved at time of application)". This is actually doable, and I've done it before and still managed to get myself employed :)

[zaecus.livejournal.com]

You look better on paper than I do, especially with the several years of unemployment I currently have between when my business went under and now.

I've been told that the biggest obstacles with hiring me are that I don't have the mindset or personality to be a good employee, the training and experience to be management, or the resources to start my own business.

One of the times when I got that response was when an interviewer asked me what I thought my worst negative trait was. I answered that (for that position) my worst trait was that I'd always know when someone, including myself, made a mistake but wouldn't always know what to do about it. I have this annoying habit of answering direct questions honestly. I think I have some kind of personality flaw that makes me believe that anyone who asks a direct question must want a direct answer.

On the upside, I have several references. They're just all friends.

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

I think my own biggest flaw is that I know when my bosses are being idiotic and can become demotivated because of that. (ie: scheduling a crew to work past 3am on an inventory of a book store when they are also scheduled for a 7am inventory of a hardware store the next day.)