Spinning Webs...

[jarandhel]

This post is actually about my current situation, a kind of status update, but first I want to share a story with everyone. Bear with me, please. It's a true story, and is very relevant to what I am going to say about my present situation.

For the past several nights there has been a spider outside our front door... a very large spider, with an even larger web. It apparently has found the light from the door attracts plentiful prey for it, and so has chosen to make its web there. It is a very large and intricate web, meant to draw to the spider what it needs... and it is very beautiful.

Each day, the door is opened and people go in and out... the spider's web, which is partially anchored to the door, is often damaged or even destroyed. But each night, without fail, the spider fixes or replaces the damaged web, and again pulls to itself the things it needs in its life. This is very much a kind of flow-work, and it demonstrates a crucial idea that I sometimes need to remind myself of... that we shape the flows, as well as riding them/picking paths through them.


I spent last night rather dazed and confused because it seemed to me that the entire pattern I had been traversing had been blown to hell, and it was the only path I had at present to take me where I want to be. Today? I've started to rebuild my web.

I have started communicating more with my parents about my needs/desires. I have stated to them very clearly that I feel like my life has been put on pause for the past few years, and that I fully intend to get a job as soon as possible anyway and start putting myself into a position to move out and get on with my life. They seem very understanding of this, and have actually been quite supportive and helpful. My father and I are going to be working out a single day of the week that is suitable for both of us to use as the day he can make doctors appointments on for him and my grandmother, and he's also agreed to my insistance that we start doing banking and groceries on the same day, to consolodate things more and leave me free to work the other days without having to run long-ass errands for the family after my shifts all the time (or before, depending on the hours I end up working.) My mother is looking into a service to take her to and from the airport after the first week, so that I won't be needed for that all the time. My father has even stated that the only times he really needs me to be available, when scheduling things now, is when he has a doctor's appointment and cannot watch my grandmother, which I think seems reasonable enough. This actually leaves me in a much better position to seek a job than I had been before, since it eliminates all onus of taking turns with him watching my grandmother from the equation.

I'm starting to feel much better about all this. The new pattern formed by present flows... the new web, if you will... is looking even more stable than the last. It still needs shoring up, and a large amount of planning, but it is definately taking shape once more and that shape is truly beautiful.

Comments

[dhermit.livejournal.com]

Ah, the power that is a spider. Much can be learned from them, if people take the time. Rialian and I have talked at length about it, since I connect with them in so many ways (mental, physical, spiritual). Do you know what kind it is by any chance?

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I know little about spiders... it was large compared to most spiders in this area of the Jersey Pine Barrens... perhaps the size of a half dollar, somewhere between a pale tan and a pinkish color, it seemed to hold itself rather bunched up compared to other spiders I've seen sitting in webs, and it was definately preying on the moths which are attracted by the light to our door. I will try to look up some information on spiders and see if I can recognize a picture of the species. Right now rain has come and has completely destroyed its web, but as it dries off here I believe it may return once more.

[arhuaine.livejournal.com]

Funny thing, I have noticed a spider in my kitchen the past few days. Again it's a large one though it's not spinning webs, it just seems to be waiting. Usually if I find a spider in the house I take it outside but with this one, I just got the feeling that it wanted to stay, so I left it alone.

[jarandhel.livejournal.com]

Having looked at a bunch of sites, I *think* it's some variety of orb-weaver... the web's the right shape, though the latest rebuild of it is more horizontal than verticle. I haven't seen the spider itself again yet, but I presume it's there somewhere since it's web is back in pretty much the exact same spot.