Pseudomeme:

In which I go through the list of "Things You'll Never Hear a Pagan Say" and enumerate all the ones I have heard said by members of the indicated pagan subgroup, or which are so easily to imagine friends of the appropriate subgroups saying that it would actually be pointless not to include them:

Celtic Faerie Shaman:
I'd better read up on that before I write a book about it...
I read the Tain bo Cuailgne in its original language.
Celtic Tradition:
I find Cerridwen to be a very nice Goddess, don't you?
Chaos Magician:
No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong!
I think H.P. Lovecraft books are unimaginative.
Discordians:
Nope, too weird for me.
Eclectic Pagan:
You must remain true to each culture's specific traditions and practices!
That has no value to my spiritual path whatsoever.
Attributing that meaning to that deity ignores the wider context.
Eco-Pagan:
Let's go to MacDonald's!
Actually, I think GM is an interesting approach to...
I've never been on an anti-capitalist demonstration.
I bought shares in Esso/Nestlé/Microsoft/MacDonalds.
Fluffy bunny:
I don't believe that.
Hedgewitch/Solitary:
No, online Pagan forums hold no charm for me.
New Agers:
Some of my best friends are Satanists.
You want me to heal you with that??!!
No, one of my past lives was not in Atlantis.
Call me fluffy, and I'll BLOODY KILL YOU!!!
Northern Heathens/Asatru:
I'm a huge Wagner fan.
Freyja is not my ideal woman.
Shamans:
Kids, just say no.
Tarot-holic:
I don't think we can make a deck with that theme...
Thelemites:
I'm trying to bring out my Inner Child.
I enjoy wearing bright colours...
I only wear black because it's slimming.
You're eclectic are you? Cool!
Here, eat these cookies - I've empowered them with love and light.