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I learned some interesting things last night. Still digesting them, but I thought I would share what I have gotten from them so far.
I take myself too seriously. I don't know when I started to do that really, or why, but it's true. At some point along the paths of my life, playing became synonymous with wasting time. Childish became synonymous with simple-minded. Writing casually became synonymous with writing carelessly. I lost much of my capacity to simply be joyful and have fun with the little things in life. I'm not sure how.
In the last 24 hours, it has been succinctly driven home for me that I need to change that. That I need to reconnect with my childhood capacity for play, for not taking life seriously, for just letting go and enjoying myself. It's been driven home to me that far from being negative things, these capacities are a source of tremendous strength. It's even been driven home that my current negative attitude towards people who do display some of these traits is entirely inappropriate, not to mention inconsistent with the profound respect I feel towards certain individuals who have gotten close to me and deeply touched my life who always displayed those capacities.
I need to reconnect with that side of my self. I need to read the old books that I loved as a child and take joy in them again, rather than feeling disappointment that they are more childish relative to myself than I remember them being. I need to read a casually written statement, even on a serious subject, and be able to just laugh and enjoy it rather than thinking that the author of it needs to grow up and display more maturity in their writing style. Most of all, I think, I need to learn to play again. I really need to learn to play again. I can't remember the last time I let go and simply... played....
I take myself too seriously. I don't know when I started to do that really, or why, but it's true. At some point along the paths of my life, playing became synonymous with wasting time. Childish became synonymous with simple-minded. Writing casually became synonymous with writing carelessly. I lost much of my capacity to simply be joyful and have fun with the little things in life. I'm not sure how.
In the last 24 hours, it has been succinctly driven home for me that I need to change that. That I need to reconnect with my childhood capacity for play, for not taking life seriously, for just letting go and enjoying myself. It's been driven home to me that far from being negative things, these capacities are a source of tremendous strength. It's even been driven home that my current negative attitude towards people who do display some of these traits is entirely inappropriate, not to mention inconsistent with the profound respect I feel towards certain individuals who have gotten close to me and deeply touched my life who always displayed those capacities.
I need to reconnect with that side of my self. I need to read the old books that I loved as a child and take joy in them again, rather than feeling disappointment that they are more childish relative to myself than I remember them being. I need to read a casually written statement, even on a serious subject, and be able to just laugh and enjoy it rather than thinking that the author of it needs to grow up and display more maturity in their writing style. Most of all, I think, I need to learn to play again. I really need to learn to play again. I can't remember the last time I let go and simply... played....
